Be the Husband God Designed

1 Peter 3:7

 1 Peter 2:12

“Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”

 1 Peter 3:7, “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

    Peter uses the phrase “in the same way” meaning that God has rules and a role for the husband to follow within the framework of the family construct as well. It is interesting to note that Peter does not mention anything about headship or employing the husband to be the head of the home. This apparent lack of direct instruction is due to the fact that his wife Christian witness is her responsibility primarily. In addition, there does not seem to be any conditional prerequisites placed upon the audience that Peter was writing too. He does not say that the husband should be “considerate” to his wife only if she submits to him or treats him better. Peter’s tone seems to be that of expected response without any other grounds of negotiations contingent on the obedience. There are not “only if” or conditions place upon his instructions to the husband.  The word “considerate” is the most crucial to the interpretation of what Peter is saying.  The key word in this verse is the "considerate." In English this word means having or marked by regard for the needs or feelings of other, which usually characterized by careful thought.  The English meaning certainly carries idea of one aspect of what this word means but being considerate goes both ways. 

    However, Peter was addressing specially the husbands in this verse.  The Greek phrase is kata gnosis, “to know”, or "knowledge" in a continuous on-going state of knowledge.  To better grasp what Peter was communicating is to take a close look at the whole phrase kata gnosis, which translated considerate, or to be more literal "according to knowledge" or "with understanding."  The best translation, then, is "Husbands, in the same way live with your wives according to (gnosis) knowledge.”  Gnosis translates the word knowledge, primarily a seeking to know, an inquiry, investigation, or to be aware of.  Like the hupotasso, the Greek word for submit, this word in the Greek is a very strong verb and it involves obedient acknowledgment, as one would be moved to action after assimilating what is understood.  Paul also elaborated on the husband's responsibility to protect and care for his wife, "just as Christ does the church" (Eph. 5:28-30)."  By placing this phrase into the context of what Peter was saying it places emphasis on the husband's responsibility to have a working knowledge of their wives' spiritual, emotional, and physical needs and actively try to meet them on an everyday basis. Essentially, the emphasis is that of servant hood as a leadership. However, this does not mean that the husband is to accommodate to every whim of his wife’s wished, because being a servant to her needs does not necessitate being a slave to every one of her wants. Peter commands the husband to be a servant to spiritual, emotional, and physical needs of his wife, which is what’s being emphasis here.

     The phrase “weaker partner” implies that of a physically weaker. There is no indication that Peter is speaking of a inferior then men as it relates to their spiritual, or intellectual abilities rather weaker is that of the physical nature. As a result, Peter is instructing men that they need to be very consciences of how they treat, handle, and interact with them physically.  Peter then is exhorting the husbands not to be physically abusive but handle their physical composition with tender care, as if he was holding the world’s priceless vas.

    Peter uses the phrases “treat them with respect” or “Giving honor to the wife”. The Greek original word for honor is often translated as "price." A better meaning here in Peter is to "value." Value your wife. As mentioned above, the wife is not looking to the world but to her husband for the genuine attention and value which all people need. She should never experience the dishonor of being ignored nor suffer the humiliation of having an unfaithful husband. The exhortation is to place a great value on their wife relationship: relationally (being faithful), physically and spiritually. The use of superior strength and towards her is not honoring her, but by becoming her protector and supporting her in times of need, that is what Peter is emphasizing here. The husband is placing her in high esteem as a vital and essential component of the marriage and the family structure.

    The phrase “as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life” is no doubt that Peter stating that is no spiritual high achy in the Kingdom of heaven. While God created men and women roles differently there is not favoritism in the eyes of God. A quite opposite ideology of the time of Peter’s writing. Women at the time were treated, culturally, like possessions and not individuals. A godly husband realizes that his spouse is not only his wife, but also his sister in Jesus.  Part of their inheritance in the Lord is only realized in their oneness as husband and wife. This reminds husbands that even though they have been given great authority within marriage, their wives are still equal to them in spiritual privilege and eternal importance: they are ‘joint heirs.

    “So that nothing hinders your prayers:  Prayers can be hindered.  All sin hinders prayer, particularly anger. Anything at which we are angry is never more apt to come into our mind than when we are at prayer; and those who do not forgive will find no forgiveness from God. By not honoring and respecting who God made the wife, it can and will interrupt their communications with the God, a hard and server consequence for mistreating a wife. This should speak to the husband as to the gravity that God takes this issue. In summary, the wife is not a possession to conquer but an individual to cherish! The husband is to cherish and continuously be a servant to her needs and actively try to meet them so that he will have continuous uninterrupted communication with God.  You see, the Peter telling husbands to place a great value on their wife and their relationship: relationally (being faithful), physically and spiritually. The use of superior strength and towards her is not honoring her, but by becoming her protector and supporting her in times of need as the weaker partner is what Peter is emphasizing here. A personal cannot have a car and use it if it does not have gas, the proper tune-ups, oil changes etc.  A husband should not expect a active relationship with God if he’s dishonoring her down in life. There’s interconnectedness between how the husband treats his wife and his spiritual relationship with God.

    However, Peter uses it more in a practical way, in that the reflective inquiry must be grounded in love and motive to action. Peter intention is to describe the husband roll as a servant to the needs of his wife. Working this idea in with what Paul was saying, "Just as Christ does the church," men have the responsibility protect, teach encourage, guild her as they journey through life together.  If a man really desires to live in accordance with knowledge with their wife, he must understand their needs and actively attempt to adjust their living considering that knowledge. The primary need of all humans being is the need for appreciation.  No women can resist the continuation of constant praise and affirmation.  A woman who is praised is a secure, confident, and responsive wife.  There is no doubt that Peter is instructing husbands to be aware of their wife’s needs and to learn to get their eyes off themselves and put their praise on their wife. When men actively live with their wives according to knowledge, they are protecting every aspect of their person.  Roughness and strength of the male physic go hand in hand. But so does beauty and frailty. The female has what the man wants beauty and delicacy. The male has what the female wants - courage and strength. The one is as good in its place as the other, and by these things God has made equality between the man and the woman so that there is properly very little superiority on either side. This union of complementary natures creates one whole. Again, this does not mean that the husband is to acclimate to every whim of his wife’s wished, being a servant to her needs does not necessitate being a slave to her wants. However, Peter does command the husband to be a servant to spiritual, emotional, and physical needs of his wife that is what’s being emphasis here. Understanding her limitation in all aspect and actively release her of the unnecessary fatigue of fulfilling that which drains her spiritual, emotional, and physical, is exactly what Peter was getting at here in this verse.  Just like most men devote considerable time and effort to learning every aspect of their job for which they are employed.  What Peter is saying here is that similar effort should be given to learning to be a good husband and servant of his wife’s needs. Husbands are to be proactive about their relationship with his wife not reactive. He must give the more effort into his wife than anything else in the world, which will re-force his relationship with God.

 We should know that Peter is demonstrating that our relationships within the family is our witness to the world, for notice what he says earlier. . .

1 Peter 2:12, “Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.”

 

Proverbs 20:30

“Blows and wounds scrub away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being.”

 Other translation

NLT: “Physical punishment cleanses away evil; such discipline purifies the heart.”

ESV: “Blows that wound cleanse away evil; strokes make clean the innermost parts.”

KJV: “The blueness of a wound cleanseth away evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly.”

NKJV: “Blows that hurt cleanse away evil, As do stripes the inner depths of the heart.”

 Explanation Proverbs 20:30

There a generalization of language doesn’t seem to suggest that it is limited the application to kids as a parent punishes their children. Nor does it seem to limit the application to a specific gender.  The Bible calls a parent not to spare the rod when raising a child (Prov 13:24). But looking at the big picture in Scripture is more prudent and insights from society in history.  Many times, throughout history physical pain or discipline was used as a detent for social behavior. Even in the Old Testament, scourging was an acceptable means of correction and was described in the Old Testament as a form of punishment either by God (Is. 10:26), or by men (1 Kin. 12:11).  According to the Mosaic Law a wicked person could be whipped with forty blows save one (Deut. 25:2-3) but could not exceed more.  Under this Jewish form of scourging, the victim was disrobed and was beaten thirteen times on each bare shoulder and thirteen times across the bare buttocks with a long flexible wooden rod or semi thick smooth tree switch.  It also was usually done inside and was not done in public for all to see and watch and was administered by one person.  Although the scars might fade, the memory of shame, humiliation and the association of what earned it seldom did. 

 No discipline feels fun or easy, but all of it has the potential, if we will submit ourselves to it, to drive out evil from us. The true seat of the soul, the inner being, the inner man or woman, this is who we truly are under the surface that we have so carefully put on for the world to see. The act of self-disciplining themselves in whatever form that takes truly is the mark of maturity.  This verse speaks to the reason for discipline and the positive effects physical discipline can have on someone, “purge the inmost being.”  Not to be taken wrongly, the right consequences for our errors and sins can cause us to avoid the same errors and sins in the future. This is often made connection to child rearing.  The language directly supports some sort of “pain” must come from spanking or “beating” but while it does directly indicate physical pain, it does not suggestion anything that would cause permanent harm or damage. Welts, bruises and marks all heal within a few days to a week.   

What can it mean?  Another way to consider this is that when one experiences full cathartic sobbing brokenness, there is a purifying of spirit that can occur so long as one accepts the pain as discipline and/or willing submits as a means of emotional cleansing and rejuvenation. Certainly, doesn’t not imply permanent harm but it does imply a physical pain that produces full cathartic release of emotions, broken will, contrite spirit and/or loss of composure. This would apply the desire results a parent would want to accomplish when disciplining their child. But again, the language doesn’t seem to have any limited application to just kids or a specific gender.  Weather unwillingly (forced, usually the cause with children) or consistent (volunteer/request/willingly submit) to a “beating,” the process of thorough and physical and painful punishment can produce that cathartic sobbing brokenness and can “purge the inmost being,” from self guilt that gets bottled up inside that they refuse to get go and can be a self-deterrent of unwarranted a behavior if they allow themselves to accept as that inside their heart.  Enduring hardship, for the person who lives their life in a meaningful way, can forge endurance and grit, which can later be used to face larger obstacles. In a fallen world, hard things happen. It is those who find meaning in the hard things and use them to strengthen their “inmost being” who can not only survive the hardship but thrive under it.

 The inference and application of Christianity doesn’t not detract the application of this verse to us, here and now, if we are unable to receive it through prayer and meditation. Some people still may choose to apply this as a catalyst for cleansing their heart and mind because “Blows and wounds scrub away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being.”

 Other verses that indicate no age or gender.

Proverbs 18:6, “The lips of fools bring them strife, and their mouths invite a beating.”

Proverbs 19:29, “Penalties are prepared for mockers, and beatings for the backs of fools.”

Proverbs 27:6, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

 However, ultimately, one should not take lightly the discipline of our Father in heaven, who loves us and will lead like a good father. It should also be understood that the “blows and wounds” which “scrub away evil” the most effectively have been those inflicted on Jesus Christ, who was pierced for our transgressions (Isa 53:5). He took the blows, but our inmost being was purged, praise be to God! Maturity is becoming on the outside what we are on the inside, the inside having been purged by the gospel of Jesus Christ and the wounds of our own discipline.